Happy 4 monthversary, Owen!

4 months old - banana added for scale

I'd say he's growing like a weed, but for one, it's cliche, and secondly, no one wants weeds. So, let's say he's growing like the flat parsley in the herb garden at our house in Broomfield - up, and out, and suddenly, and quickly, and always makes dinner more interesting.
 

5 days old

We're gearing up for the holidays here. Luckily, it's supposed to be cooler and maybe even rainy over the next couple of weeks, so we can pretend like it's actually winter. We put up the tree and lights last weekend, but haven't figured out yet where to put the stockings without a mantel. It's not like I haven't lived in houses without   fireplaces before, but I genuinely can not remember what we did with our stockings.

My folks get here on Sunday - I'm so excited to have them here. We all have a little bit of work to do still next week, but it's nothing that can't be done from a laptop while baking Christmas cookies :) I am wondering if Owen will get crunchy hair from Hagrid licks the same way the cats do...

Also, Colorado folks, Owen and I will be out the week of 21 January. Anyone been through LAX/DIA with a baby before? I was hoping to bring some frozen milk with me, but I'm not sure if it's worth the hassle at security. Anywho, it's a short visit and I will be working while I'm there, but we will make time to see everyone! (Sorry, by the way, for this line jumping so far to the left. I got really frustrated trying to format this page and gave up)

I'll admit, the main reason I'm inspired to write today is this video I took last night. Adam was reading to Owen, and I think Owen was "reading" back to him.

To make things even better - when I tested the video today after uploading it, Owen started it right back up!

How time flies

So uh, whoops, it's been a while. Let's get this rebooted by talking about poop. Owen's got this new schedule - he'll go 1-2 days without pooping at all, and then poop every hour for a day. The poor guy is just miserable during the constipation phase, and all smiles during the...ummm...cleansing phase. And it certainly keeps me busy!

In the last few weeks, Owen has really started interacting with the world more. He loves his playmat and has been reaching for toys. The other morning, he got all crazy for his pumpkin bib, and was happy as a clam when Adam handed it to him. He still loves to look at blinds, but other things are really starting to catch his attention now.

Like the sourdough recipe.

 He's got this great laugh. When he laughs in his sleep, it's this cute little giggle, but when he's awake - it's hard to describe - it's like a really loud inhale. Makes me think of Inward Singing.


I'm now in my third week back to work. Let me say, it has not been easy. I'm not working full time, but even still it can be tough to find the time to work around taking care of Owen. His morning nap tends to be pretty long and solid, but the afternoon is really a mess (especially if we're in one of the poop-every-hour days, heh). I am getting pretty good at typing one-handed though - I do a lot of coding out loud while I breastfeed, it's just as good as a book :)

Ah, and important stuff. Owen saw the cardiologist today, a follow-up since he had a patent ductus arteriosus. He has turbulence in the left branch of his heart, but it is very mild. The plan is just to check it again in six months. If it doesn't get better, the treatment is to inflate the vessels with a balloon, but the doctor seemed very confident that it will take care of itself. Owen absolutely charmed the nurse - he was all smiles and curiosity. At least, until the chest ultrasound - that was, in his opinion, the worst thing that ever happened, ever.

Oh and, he's up to 12.5 pounds. What a porker! As promised, here's Owen growing BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES!

Twas the Night Before Work

And all through the bedroom
A baby's stomach was rumbling, then all at once, a kaboom!

The diapers were stacked in the closet with care,
I hoped this butt explosion didn't mess up the chair.

Owen had been nestled all snug in my lap,
But visions of bottles couldn't hold off this crap.
With Adam in bed, and I in the nursery,
I'd hoped for a simple feeding at a quarter past three.

But out of Owen's butt arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the rocking chair to avoid the yellow matter.
Away to the changing table I flew with great haste,
Tore open the pj's and cleaned up the waste.

The moon shone softly through the bedroom window,
Back to bed! I thought, alas, but no.
When, what to my wondering ears should appear,
But another explosion! His insides were really in gear.

With a big bold odor, so lively and vast,
I thought for a moment it must be the last.
Oh so rapidly this diaper I changed,
And I whistled, and grimaced, and quietly sang:

"Now Owen! now, booty! now, stinky butt baby!
On wipe! On diaper! On pj's and blankie!
Back to our beds! Back to slumber with ease!
Now poop no more! Poop no more! Poop no more please!"

And then, in a twinkling, I heard from my son
The gurgles that meant that he wasn't yet done.
As I wondered why this shift had to be me,
Out of my kidlet came poop number three.

He clearly felt better, and was proud of himself,
And I laughed as I changed him, in spite of myself!
Being thrice diapered and his tummy empty,
It was time to finish this early morning feed.

I fed him, put him down, and kissed his little head,
Then wearily dragged myself back to bed.
When my head hit the pillow, the alarm gave its warning:
"Happy first day back to work, and to all a good morning!"

We're on the charts!

Backwards, right? Usually something exciting is OFF the charts. But, at Owen's check-up today, he weighed in at 10 pounds 13 ounces which puts him between the 10th and 25th percentile for weight. *edit - after talking to my mom this afternoon, I found out he's still 1/8" shorter than I was at birth, haha. granted, the length measurements are not taken in the most accurate manner* Previously, he's been well below even the 5th percentile, so this is pretty exciting - he's making a lot of effort to catch up. Developmentally, he's way ahead for a 2-week old (his adjusted age), but behind for an 11 week old (his actual age). Also, even though he was cleared in the NICU, his doc wants him to see a cardiologist - we'll meet him around Thanksgiving. I'm trying not to worry about it too much and figuring it's just a follow-up, and not anything to do with how long she listened to his chest today. He chatted the whole way through his exam, so hopefully it's just that she was having a hard time hearing over his commentary.

As an aside - the pediatrician (who I did not think of as "the vet" today) is terrible at putting on diapers. Every appointment so far, after she re-diapers him, he's peed out the top. Now I know it's not a fluke, and I'll discretely fix it after she steps out.

He wasn't nearly so relaxed about his shots this time around. It sucks that there's no way to explain to him that it's for his own good, and it's not even like he'd appreciate getting a toy or something to make up for such an un-fun doctor's visit.

The last couple of nights, Owen has made big strides towards sleeping through the night. He's cut out one of his middle-of-the-night feeds, but the poor guy gets terrible gas around 3 am and grunts and screams in his sleep unless we hold him upright. So while he may be mostly sleeping through the night, Adam and I sure aren't!

We're gonna start taking weekly pictures in (close to) the same pose to have a visual on Owen's growth. Here's #1, and I'll gif 'em once we have more than one.

Zindagi (Adam's company) had a Halloween party at the office this afternoon. We were a family of t-shirt costumes this year (no pics of me, but I joined Owen in the Justice League with my Superman shirt). Owen also has a bee costume this year from Nana. While he's unamused by it now, it's big enough that we can spend a few months convincing him that he likes it.

Buzz buzz. If you insist.

 

Zindagi kids.

To the Batmobile!

In other news, I'm headed back to work next week. Well, "headed back" isn't exactly accurate, as I'm working from home. I'm also dropping to 60% FTE - I don't think there's any way I could commit to full time and taking care of Owen without any help, especially considering he's developmentally behind. The extent of help I'll be getting is a babysitter if I need to call in to a meeting, so I can guarantee a couple of hours where I won't be needed. I feel a little bit like I've been shorted, since Owen spent the first half of my leave in the NICU. However, I'm really thankful that I've got the opportunity to work from home - I won't be missing any firsts due to work, and it erases the financial burden of any kind of day care (which is especially fortunate since we're still a little behind from unemployment and moving).

Things that Owen loves this week - reading, especially if you read ahead so you can look at him while you're talking; this song, and as long as you're there, this one made me laugh too; and window blinds, continuing his love of vertical stripes.

Dear Diary (K)

I've had a resurgence of grief in the last few days. It's almost like the closer we get to normal around here, the more I am aware of her loss. I'm sure part of it has to do with Halloween - we'd been trying to think of paired costumes since February. We toyed with Link and Zelda, and a picture I came across of a little girl as Link (although I imagine we would've had Owen be Link and Keira be Zelda!) made me lose it yesterday. As much as I have felt that it's not the right thing for me, I'm thinking I may look in to a support group - it's just tough to decide if I should find a group online, so I can keep it with me when we move back to CO, or something in person because I'm pretty starved for adult contact.

I've read about some other people's experiences with a lost twin, and I was surprised at how often I found an almost identical story (no pun intended? but they were fraternal anyway). One woman even had a similar writing style as me, so it was bizarre to read my own history, in my tone, with different names - down to the nurse who stayed with her from the moment they confirmed the death, and the pictures being taken too late. She and I even agreed that the people who try to pretend that the lost twin didn't exist - they won't mention her name, they won't ask how we're coping, they never even offer a simple "I'm sorry for your loss" - those people hurt (after rereading this, I figured I should clarify - it's not that we want you to ask about her every time we talk, but this is in regards to the folks who've ignored her existence since her death). I'm so thankful that for the most part, those close to us have not fallen in to that group. I know that it's an uncomfortable topic, and I really appreciate people having the strength, or compassion, or whatever quality it is to talk about her.

A number of families said that they were happy to have the opportunity to hold both of their twins at the same time. This is not something we were able to do, as Owen needed resuscitation shortly after being born and then was whisked away to the NICU. I wish I could've held them together, since I had carried them together for 6 months; I wish Adam could have held them together, since he didn't even get what I had.

And in every story, I see pressure to get over it quickly, as though having a surviving child means you don't get to mourn the lost one. It's so easy for others to just see us as new parents and forget that at the same time, we are grieving parents.

Sorry for being a debby downer. There's something refreshing about writing this down. Maybe I don't need that support group after all.

On a related note - while Owen was in the NICU, I learned about Australia's "R U OK?" day (http://www.ruokday.com/). Follow the link - I think it's a great movement. Not everyone has an outlet, so please take some time to ask someone you care about how they're doing, and then take the time to really listen to their answer.

And before anyone panics, I'm ok. Blue, but ok.

First, let me say, the moby was one of the best purchases I've ever made. Owen's upgraded to the regular hold (as opposed to the newborn hold) and he is so happy. I think I'll be able to credit the sling when I go back to work for letting me get anything done. He finally fits in his regular front carrier also, which I trust a little bit more when I really need to be hands free. The problem with that though is it takes two people to buckle it up, so that's more for family outings. And with both of these, since you can't bend over, I am building up some serious thigh muscles from doing squats.

Things that get smiles or mesmerize Owen these days (other than being held) - yellow, vertical stripes, sitting up against my legs while I do sit ups, petting Paul (with my assistance), dancing, and whistling. Also, at my cousin's request, I asked him this morning which hockey team he was going to be a fan of - he yawned at the Blackhawks, grunted and flailed at the Avs, and smiled at the Kings. Atta boy. He also briefly cared about his reflection and has started sort of holding toys, but he's not all that interested yet.

I've been a bit of a camera slacker, which I'm sure I will regret years down the line and I should remedy asap. All of my newest photos have cats in them, but I guess that makes them the best ones to post since the internet is 90% cat photos anyway.

Madison supervising tummy time.

Paul and Madison demonstrate the "play" part of a Pack N Play.

The Cotton Anniversary

In case anyone was curious, the 2nd anniversary is the cotton anniversary. This is something Adam and I didn't bother to look up until very shortly before we celebrated two years of marriage on Tuesday. The anniversary guide I found suggested - I kid you not - kitchen towels. We were total rebels and got each other silly t-shirts. I will have to update this later with photos, as Owen peed on Adam while he was wearing his new shirt, and it's far too warm for long sleeves today, so I can't wear mine. (Side note - I am very angry that it's October 14th and too warm for long sleeves. California sucks.)

We celebrated our second anniversary in style - with pizza delivery, a bottle of ice wine, and falling asleep on the couch to a movie we've seen a dozen times. Honestly, it was a pretty nice evening.

Owen and Courtney demonstrate the "I just got this and have no idea what I'm doing" hold.

In other news, I bought a sling this week for Owen. He loves being held so much that I figured he'd give a sling two chubby thumbs up. 100% correct on this one! I'm glad he likes it so much, because this really frees up my hands - or at least one hand - while I'm home alone.

And, how weird is this - today is Owen and Keira's due date.