We're on the charts!

Backwards, right? Usually something exciting is OFF the charts. But, at Owen's check-up today, he weighed in at 10 pounds 13 ounces which puts him between the 10th and 25th percentile for weight. *edit - after talking to my mom this afternoon, I found out he's still 1/8" shorter than I was at birth, haha. granted, the length measurements are not taken in the most accurate manner* Previously, he's been well below even the 5th percentile, so this is pretty exciting - he's making a lot of effort to catch up. Developmentally, he's way ahead for a 2-week old (his adjusted age), but behind for an 11 week old (his actual age). Also, even though he was cleared in the NICU, his doc wants him to see a cardiologist - we'll meet him around Thanksgiving. I'm trying not to worry about it too much and figuring it's just a follow-up, and not anything to do with how long she listened to his chest today. He chatted the whole way through his exam, so hopefully it's just that she was having a hard time hearing over his commentary.

As an aside - the pediatrician (who I did not think of as "the vet" today) is terrible at putting on diapers. Every appointment so far, after she re-diapers him, he's peed out the top. Now I know it's not a fluke, and I'll discretely fix it after she steps out.

He wasn't nearly so relaxed about his shots this time around. It sucks that there's no way to explain to him that it's for his own good, and it's not even like he'd appreciate getting a toy or something to make up for such an un-fun doctor's visit.

The last couple of nights, Owen has made big strides towards sleeping through the night. He's cut out one of his middle-of-the-night feeds, but the poor guy gets terrible gas around 3 am and grunts and screams in his sleep unless we hold him upright. So while he may be mostly sleeping through the night, Adam and I sure aren't!

We're gonna start taking weekly pictures in (close to) the same pose to have a visual on Owen's growth. Here's #1, and I'll gif 'em once we have more than one.

Zindagi (Adam's company) had a Halloween party at the office this afternoon. We were a family of t-shirt costumes this year (no pics of me, but I joined Owen in the Justice League with my Superman shirt). Owen also has a bee costume this year from Nana. While he's unamused by it now, it's big enough that we can spend a few months convincing him that he likes it.

Buzz buzz. If you insist.

 

Zindagi kids.

To the Batmobile!

In other news, I'm headed back to work next week. Well, "headed back" isn't exactly accurate, as I'm working from home. I'm also dropping to 60% FTE - I don't think there's any way I could commit to full time and taking care of Owen without any help, especially considering he's developmentally behind. The extent of help I'll be getting is a babysitter if I need to call in to a meeting, so I can guarantee a couple of hours where I won't be needed. I feel a little bit like I've been shorted, since Owen spent the first half of my leave in the NICU. However, I'm really thankful that I've got the opportunity to work from home - I won't be missing any firsts due to work, and it erases the financial burden of any kind of day care (which is especially fortunate since we're still a little behind from unemployment and moving).

Things that Owen loves this week - reading, especially if you read ahead so you can look at him while you're talking; this song, and as long as you're there, this one made me laugh too; and window blinds, continuing his love of vertical stripes.

Dear Diary (K)

I've had a resurgence of grief in the last few days. It's almost like the closer we get to normal around here, the more I am aware of her loss. I'm sure part of it has to do with Halloween - we'd been trying to think of paired costumes since February. We toyed with Link and Zelda, and a picture I came across of a little girl as Link (although I imagine we would've had Owen be Link and Keira be Zelda!) made me lose it yesterday. As much as I have felt that it's not the right thing for me, I'm thinking I may look in to a support group - it's just tough to decide if I should find a group online, so I can keep it with me when we move back to CO, or something in person because I'm pretty starved for adult contact.

I've read about some other people's experiences with a lost twin, and I was surprised at how often I found an almost identical story (no pun intended? but they were fraternal anyway). One woman even had a similar writing style as me, so it was bizarre to read my own history, in my tone, with different names - down to the nurse who stayed with her from the moment they confirmed the death, and the pictures being taken too late. She and I even agreed that the people who try to pretend that the lost twin didn't exist - they won't mention her name, they won't ask how we're coping, they never even offer a simple "I'm sorry for your loss" - those people hurt (after rereading this, I figured I should clarify - it's not that we want you to ask about her every time we talk, but this is in regards to the folks who've ignored her existence since her death). I'm so thankful that for the most part, those close to us have not fallen in to that group. I know that it's an uncomfortable topic, and I really appreciate people having the strength, or compassion, or whatever quality it is to talk about her.

A number of families said that they were happy to have the opportunity to hold both of their twins at the same time. This is not something we were able to do, as Owen needed resuscitation shortly after being born and then was whisked away to the NICU. I wish I could've held them together, since I had carried them together for 6 months; I wish Adam could have held them together, since he didn't even get what I had.

And in every story, I see pressure to get over it quickly, as though having a surviving child means you don't get to mourn the lost one. It's so easy for others to just see us as new parents and forget that at the same time, we are grieving parents.

Sorry for being a debby downer. There's something refreshing about writing this down. Maybe I don't need that support group after all.

On a related note - while Owen was in the NICU, I learned about Australia's "R U OK?" day (http://www.ruokday.com/). Follow the link - I think it's a great movement. Not everyone has an outlet, so please take some time to ask someone you care about how they're doing, and then take the time to really listen to their answer.

And before anyone panics, I'm ok. Blue, but ok.

First, let me say, the moby was one of the best purchases I've ever made. Owen's upgraded to the regular hold (as opposed to the newborn hold) and he is so happy. I think I'll be able to credit the sling when I go back to work for letting me get anything done. He finally fits in his regular front carrier also, which I trust a little bit more when I really need to be hands free. The problem with that though is it takes two people to buckle it up, so that's more for family outings. And with both of these, since you can't bend over, I am building up some serious thigh muscles from doing squats.

Things that get smiles or mesmerize Owen these days (other than being held) - yellow, vertical stripes, sitting up against my legs while I do sit ups, petting Paul (with my assistance), dancing, and whistling. Also, at my cousin's request, I asked him this morning which hockey team he was going to be a fan of - he yawned at the Blackhawks, grunted and flailed at the Avs, and smiled at the Kings. Atta boy. He also briefly cared about his reflection and has started sort of holding toys, but he's not all that interested yet.

I've been a bit of a camera slacker, which I'm sure I will regret years down the line and I should remedy asap. All of my newest photos have cats in them, but I guess that makes them the best ones to post since the internet is 90% cat photos anyway.

Madison supervising tummy time.

Paul and Madison demonstrate the "play" part of a Pack N Play.

The Cotton Anniversary

In case anyone was curious, the 2nd anniversary is the cotton anniversary. This is something Adam and I didn't bother to look up until very shortly before we celebrated two years of marriage on Tuesday. The anniversary guide I found suggested - I kid you not - kitchen towels. We were total rebels and got each other silly t-shirts. I will have to update this later with photos, as Owen peed on Adam while he was wearing his new shirt, and it's far too warm for long sleeves today, so I can't wear mine. (Side note - I am very angry that it's October 14th and too warm for long sleeves. California sucks.)

We celebrated our second anniversary in style - with pizza delivery, a bottle of ice wine, and falling asleep on the couch to a movie we've seen a dozen times. Honestly, it was a pretty nice evening.

Owen and Courtney demonstrate the "I just got this and have no idea what I'm doing" hold.

In other news, I bought a sling this week for Owen. He loves being held so much that I figured he'd give a sling two chubby thumbs up. 100% correct on this one! I'm glad he likes it so much, because this really frees up my hands - or at least one hand - while I'm home alone.

And, how weird is this - today is Owen and Keira's due date.

Two...weeks

First, my apologies for being so slow on this post. To be perfectly honest, sitting at a computer long enough to do a post justice has just not been at the top of my to-do list in the last couple weeks.

Let's see...first, both cats have decided that Owen's ok.

A definite improvement from the initial "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!?"

Paul is full of concern for him and likes to be able to see all family members at once - he has been spending a decent amount of time in the hall at night. Madison, while still taking some time to pout (and always making sure we see her doing it), actually gave Owen an affectionate rub. I guess we won't need to return him after all ;)

My mom was here for the last two weeks and I can't begin to express my gratitude. She was invaluable. Our fridge and freezer are full of leftovers and meal fixings, the house is clean, we're well rested, AND she found time to knit Owen a hat for the holidays (and a few pairs of slippers).

And it jingles! Is it December yet?

We even did Canadian Thanksgiving last night. It was great being able to spend his first couple weeks home pretty much just snuggling on the couch. I was actually a little intimidated because today is my first day home alone with Owen, but so far, so good. The scariest part yet was driving home from LAX without someone in the backseat to keep an eye on him, but we made it home just fine.

Pretty much how I spent the last two weeks.

Owen's now had two trips to the pediatrician (side note, I keep thinking "the vet" instead of "the pediatrician. I'm hoping that wears off eventually). He was up to just over 7.5 pounds last week - you can really feel the difference in him. He's got a lot more substance, which is great because he feels far less breakable. He also got his first round of vaccines at the last doctor visit. I think we have the NICU to thank for this - he took those shots like a champ. There was a baby going nuts over his shots in the room next to us, but Owen squeaked at the first two and pretty much shrugged off the third. Then again, maybe he was so comfortable because I got my flu shot first, to show him that it doesn't hurt that bad (ok, actually, for some reason this was one of the most painful vaccinations I've ever done, even a week later. But I put on a good face for Owen).

I've had a couple of people ask how my milk supply is - I'll let the picture do the talking.

No, this is not a mini freezer.

There are squeaks coming from the swing, so it sounds like my brief computer break is over. More to come.

Sometimes, the swing is good for snoozing rather than for squawking.